Friday

Today is going to be amazing. I am going to go out riding with one of my closest friends who has been going through a couple rough situations lately. Even if she doesn't want to go out, I'm going to force her to. She completely deserves to have the best time of her life today, and I am going to try my absolute best to do that for her. Today will be great no matter what.

YES

My brother Michael comes home in nine more days. Michael is like my absolute best friend. I have way more positive memories than bad memories with that guy. I look up to Michael a lot when it comes to social skills. He reminds me to be outgoing and never shy. When you have the chance to speak or tell a joke, go for it. Michael has really helped me grow my confidence up throughout my life and is an outstanding brother. Coincidentally, he comes home on my birthday, which is amazing. I can't wait to see him again.

Goals

If you sit somewhere quietly dreaming, how do you expect to reach your goals? Setting goals is one thing, actually physically and emotionally doing something is another. Reaching your goals require moving yourself forward. I'm not saying you should randomly change something huge in your life out of nowhere. You could take baby steps.

Baby steps move you further than sitting in the dark, feeling insecure, and wondering if you have any skills. That makes you frustrated and makes you grow doubt upon yourself. That gets you nowhere. Do you think Stephen Curry just woke up one morning and miraculously became one of the best basketball players in the NBA? No, he practiced, stayed committed, and did not give up. He mentally and physically built himself up, and convinced himself that he could do ALL things. 

I think Steph Curry is a great source of inspiration. There is a world full of people and things to get inspiration from. Surrounding yourself with these things and people give you better vibes. Participating in more things, talking to more people, basically just keeping yourself occupied erases the negative things from your mind. These types of things help you reach your goals.

Cotard Delusion

Cotard Delusion is a psychiatric disorder in which a person has the delusional belief that they are dead, has lost internal organs, blood, body parts, or believing that they have no soul. It is a relatively rare disorder. Mostly reported with patients that has also been diagnosed with brain damage, psychotic disorders, and mood disorders. Different individualized treatments and medications help extinguish the disorder. I think Cotard Delusion is one of the most interesting and intense disorders that I have read about so far. Sometimes I am in total disbelief with the cases. I totally do not recommend reading about it if you are sensitive to this kind of subject, but if you find it as interesting as I do then I definitely recommend it.

Alien Hand Syndrome

I have been educating myself lately on different types of disorders. Some of them are pretty messed up. Such as Alien Hand Syndrome. Alien Hand Syndrome (AHS) is a very rare neurological disorder. Neurological Disorders are diseases in the brain, spine, and the nerves that connect to them. Extreme symtoms of AHS is self inflicted choking or punching, and unintentionally stuffing food in your own mouth. AHS was discovered in 1909, there has only been 40 to 50 cases of the disorder since then.

Seriously Though

It is honestly so easy to feel happy after not caring about someone you really cared about. It is super hard moving on, but once you moved on you ask yourself, "Why didn't I just do this in the beginning?" Us humans can look right through someones flaws to the point where we do not realize how sad they actually made us. It is like we could look in the mirror and know for a fact that we are sad, and act like we deserve it, being totally blinded by the person who is making you feel this way. Acting like that person makes our lives better. How do you expect to build up your happiness with someone who has tore it down to the point where you just do not want to try anymore? You don't. We're all still living our lives. We have so much more coming towards us, so I suggest, do not let someone get in the way of your happiness. It is unnecessary for a person to waste their time to tear you down, while you listen, while you could have been going out and getting some ice cream. We need to care about ourselves too, because in all reality, if you don't care about yourself, then who is?

Friday

I am going to be completely honest, most of the people who I keep in contact with are depressed. I really do want to help. I want to be there for all of them, make them feel good about themselves, and make them laugh and positive stuff like that. But sometimes I want to tell the truth. I feel like 99% of the time these people are just having a bad day, claiming that they have severe depression, and they need attention. A lot of my friends, including myself, are still young and are going to experience new things in life. We have a lot more coming towards us, and I just find it silly that we are focused on one thing that is breaking us down, when we could be focusing on the many things that bring us up. We could have it worse, a lot of us need to start appreciating the things and people we have in life.

Nick

Nick is my oldest brother. He is 26 years old, has very pretty model guy hair, he is tall, and has bug eyes. By bug eyes I mean really big glossy ones. Nick does not live in the same place as I do. He works on a boat, I would say three or four months out of the year. When he does come here for a short period of time, he visits me. I am usually in school when he is up here. They pull me out so I could talk to him for a couple of minuets. I do not have very many stories to tell about Nick, because he was not in my childhood, but He is on the T.V. show Deadliest Catch. He works very hard throughout the year, even when he is not on the boat, and I am proud to call him my brother.

Reach for the Stars

Reach for the Stars is a documentary about Christa Corrigan.  In the beginning her relatives and friends give us background information about Corrigan.  She was very interested in education. She strongly believed helping and motivating people to get a better education. Corrigan had a talent with connecting with all kids, mostly adolescents, so she became a teacher.

In 1985, Corrigan was selected to be the first teacher in space. She would be teaching lessons in space while being broadcasted on television. She did six months of physical and mental practices so she would be capable of being in space. Corrigan became famous, she was on talk shows, and she went to the super bowl before she went up to space. Corrigan was recognized all over the country as the teacher in space.

On January 28, 1986, the shuttle broke apart after launch.  Everyone was very sad that Corrigan and the people who where with her died. She was 37 when she was killed during the mission. Corrigan was gone too soon, but placed a huge mark on this world that would never be forgotten. After Corrigan’s death, schools and scholarships were named in her honor.

Michael

     I have a brother named Michael. He is 17 years old, has a tongue ring, has buzzed cut hair, and he looks like a guy in his early twenties. I think he acts like an old man at times. For example, he will be watching Dr. Phil, black slippers on, a cup of coffee, with is legs folded. Michael does not always act old. He likes to work out, tell stories with a lot of body movement, play the guitar, and randomly dance around just to make people laugh. He is one of those people that live just so they could make other people laugh. 

    Michael is very talented as well. He could fish on a boat for hours upon hours, and still has time to come home take a shower and spend time with my mom and I. Not only does he spend time with us, but he is like a super hero with all these social powers. He spends time with everyone. He has time for everyone. That is a huge talent in my opinion, having time for everyone. 

    Another thing Michael is most talented at is playing the guitar. I love Michael's guitar music. He does not write his own music, but when he plays a song by a famous person I feel like he puts his own personal touch to it. I remember Michael called my mom up (he's in a boarding school at the moment) and sung You Are My Sunshine  to her while playing the guitar. That made her the happiest person on the planet because when Michael was little she use to sing that to him.

    I love everything about my brother Michael. Talented and funny are definitely the main traits about him. He comes home on May 17th, which is my birthday. I just cannot wait to wake up to the smell of coffee and hearing Dr. Phil coming from the living room, along with some guitar music, and the sound of his black slippers dragging across the floor as he paces back and forth. I have a lot of great memories with him, and a lot more to make.

Basketball

      I do not play basketball but I watch it. I remember I was talking about Stephen Curry in class once and my teacher said, "What do you know about basketball? I don't see you in the gym everyday shooting hoops." Obviously this guy is completely clueless. I would not mind playing basketball at all. I do not play because I am not good at it, and I am not good at it because I do not play. I think if I put some effort into it I would be decent.

     When I watch any basketball game it is filled with excitement and rush. Especially the games that have overtime. I do not think that basketball is the most intense sport out there, but I definitely like it more than football, volleyball, soccer, etc. There is just something about a ball going through a hoop and making that swooshing sound that is very satisfying. Or when someone makes the game winning shot and the crowd goes wild that gives you chills. I think everything about basketball is perfect. Even when I am not watching it I am thinking about it. How a certain persons shot looks, how people could improve on different things, the body movement a player does when they either make or miss a shot, the way people pass the ball. It's almost like you could see it in slow motion through your mind over and over again.

   

Blogs

    I look at these blogs like professional Facebook statuses. I am horrible with making Facebook statuses, so you could figure that I am horrible with making these blogs. I mean, I haven't wrote something creative in a while. I have not wanted to write anything in a while either. Something to keep the wonderful people that actually want to read the stuff I write updated with is that my parents are are getting a divorce.

      

    Okay, so I imagine people reading this are either not going to care or are going to feel sorry for me. I honestly do not know what I am feeling. I guess there is a part of me that feels bad for the guy. I did live in the same house with him for seven years. Another part of me wants to celebrate. I had more bad memories with the guy than good. And I personally think that I only need one parent. 

    My mom is the coolest, chillest, sweetest person ever. She is like my best friend. I could literally tell her anything in the world. Which I think most Mother/Daughter relationships should be like. My mom is a very accepting straight up person. She is a great single parents. In fact, she is such a great parent that she could play the role of both parents. I personally think that my mom and I are doing just fine without a guy in the house. The only bad thing is figuring out who is going to kill the spiders.

 

Black Mamba

Obviously, Kobe Bryant is #24 on the LA Lakers. Bryant is beast! He is currently sitting out with an injury, but he will be coming back next season. Recently, Bryant sat on the benches with his team, and it was sort of a big deal because he has not done that since his surgery. I am sad that he is sitting out, but excited for next season to see him play again. We all love Kobe and he is always going to be the real MVP.

DJ Augustin

Darryl Gerard is apart of the NBA. He is #14 currently on OKC Thunder. I am blogging about this piece of gold because he has the most perfect hairline in the world. I am giving props at this very moment to his barber because this hairline could possibly save lives. Not to mention, he is an excellent basketball player with persistence and commitment.

Distracted

I am probably distracted 90% of the time. I am usually lost in the world of music, or still amazed by Russell Westbrook winning the MVP and scoring 41 points. I have thought about that at least 5 times, today and talked about it three times. I also get distracted while someone is talking, and if they just happen to coincidentally say the begining of song lyrics I have to finish the verse of that song, just for my own pleasure. I wish I could stay concentrated and persistent.

Psychopathology

Psychopathology is a scientific study of metal disorders, and I am beyond interested in this kind of stuff. I swear I could read about it all day if I could. I was first aware of Psychopathology about two years ago, when my brother went to treatment. He would be telling me stories about the kind of tests he had to take, the people he had to talk to, and the other kids he had to deal with. I was interested in the crazy stories he had to tell. It was not until this year where I actually did research about psychopathology and everything related to it.

Simply Tired

I am tired in every shape and form. There is a physical tired that I am going through at the moment. And there is a mental tiredness. I am very unmotivated, which is odd for me because I am motivated all the time. I feel like if something horrible just happened to me I would not care because I am exhausted. Sleep and some motivation sounds wonderful right now. Or maybe some caffeine. I am already tired of writing this blog.

Serge Ibaka

Serge Ibaka is a professional basketball player. He plays for the team Oklahoma City Thunder of the National Basketball Association (NBA). He is flawless. There are better players on the NBA, and he is not the most popular on his team. Russell Westbrook is, but that is a whole other conversation. There is no actual reason for this blog. I just thought that maybe I would show Ibaka a bit of love.

Nature

I believe this is not one of the best photos I have done, but I absolutely adore it. I love the little water drop. I think it is cute and placed in the perfect place. Of course, I would make many different adjustments to the photo. One of the major things I would change is the camera I used to take it. I used a Sony instead of the Canon I am currently using. I am not going to sweat it though, I am sure there are going to be many other water drops to capture through my life time.

*Inserts Heart Emoji*

I have been forming a bad habit with staying up too late. It is not that I am staying up too late on my phone, but reading. I love reading, writing, and photography. I swear those are the last things on Earth that keep me sane. I am currently reading Stephen Lives by Anne Puryear. I would definitely recommend this book to people who are in deep depression from emotional abuse, or has a close friend/family member that is. I have got to warn you though, it will keep you up all night from the heart breaking to the heart warming events that happen in it.

Photography

I have been slaking on posting photography related things. Considering the fact that this whole blog is suppose to be about it. Even though I am not posting anything about photography; I am still into it. This photo is one of my best pieces, I would say. It is taken in Unalaska, Dutch Harbor, and I absolutely love it. I did make a few adjustments -that was just so you could see the photo clearly, and notice every last inch about it. My favorite thing about this photo is the sky and clouds. Although, a lot of things could be worked on. Anyways, I have confidence with this piece, and I will be sure to post more of my work.

His Name Is Depression.

I would like to introduce my old time friend, his name is Depression. I do not like telling most people about him because he is not suppose to be here, and people think they could get rid of him. I want Depression to be gone. I want someone to kill him. I have been trying to do it myself. I told one of my friends about Depression. Although, I could tell my friend does not care as much. My friend and my brother. The two most amazing people I know. They know about Depression. They know how much I am hurting from him, but they have other things to worry about. They suffer from him as well from time to time, but depression is with me all the time. Even when I am smiling or laughing. Depression has taught me how to act happy.

Depression has dragged me away from everyone. He is selfish and hates it with when I am with Happiness. Depression and Happiness are huge enemies. It is easier to see Depression for some people. I am starting to think that Happiness does not like me because I am with Depression all the time. But I have bait that attracts Happiness. Depression absolutely hates it. It is like rasism towards Depression. It offends him and kills him little by little. They are called antidepressants. The thing is, I do not like that I need bait to attract Happiness. I want Happiness to want to be there.
-----------------------------------------------

Now, I completely know that Depression and Happiness are not actual people. I wanted to explain how I am feeling so everyone could understand. Yes, I am depressed. I have been depressed before. Everyone has. I am strong though, and I know I could fight it off somehow. I totally hope people relate to this, and I did not make it for attention. I wanted to write because it makes me feel better, like photography does. I love writing just as much as photography. They are my antidepressants, except not in a pill. I have so much stuff on my mind right now, it is overwhelming. I will write more as soon as l think of stuff and put them together so they make sense.

4:00 A.M.

10:00 P.M. The night you come home from what feels like the best day ever. Nothing could ever ruin this moment. You rush inside with that satisfying feeling of warmth hitting your exposed skin, excited to see your parents... You forget to lock the door. While brushing your teeth, you get a feeling that you forgot to do something. You cannot remember, so it must have not been too important. Plus you are too distracted by the flaws of your reflection. After brushing your teeth you crawl into your comfortable bed with the soft blankets, thinking it is the best place on earth. Finally, you fall asleep, feeling as happy and as safe as ever.

4:00A.M. Who would have known, the best, happiest, safest place on Earth could turn into the worst, most depressing, filthiest place. You wake up with what feels like a hand of ice covering your mouth. It is on top of you. It is sucking all of the strength, youth, dignity, innocents, and happiness out of you. You are so scared you can't move. Your stomach feels like it twisted inside out. You are so shocked you can't speak, you can't scream, you can't cry. But the absolute worst part about it, is that you can't see who it is. You can't see who is ruining your life. You can't see who is taking your youth away. Or maybe you did see them. Maybe you know who it is, but choose not to recognize them. Imagine pressing your finger tips against a stove at it's highest temperature, and having no medication to heal the wound. That is how piercing the pain is.

4:00 A.M. You wake up, shaking, scared, alarmed, sweaty, and breathing hard. You sit in silence trying to figure out what is going on. Then you finally realize, you just suffered your first case of sleeping paralysis. It was a dream.

Friends

In my opinion I have straight up friends. They do not sugar coat anything, and they are very mature. One of my close friends is 19 and is getting married this month. I am excited because I am going to be a bride's maid. She is completely mature and smart. I really look up to her when it comes to not caring about what other people think. When you go to her for advise you are not always going to hear what you want because she tells the truth. My other friend is smart, outgoing, and could cheer anyone up. He could either be hyper and happy or calm and mad. There is really no in between, but that is one of the things I like about him. He has a big heart too and cares a lot. I admire all of the ambition he has. For example, the thing his life revolves around is basketball, and he plays like he has never lost a game. What both of my friends have in common is that they influenced me to embrace the thing you have the most passion for and never be ashamed to speak your mind.

Positive

I realized I talk more about the negative than positive. No matter who you are, if you are warming, and comforting, people are always going to want to talk to you. You make yourself approchable, and your smile simply just brightens up the room. Having a positive personality, or really positive anything, makes you more attractive. You are always going to have better feedback than worse. And you are going to make a huge role model.

People

I am not trying to insult anyone, but we have a lot of negative mindsets in the place I live. I cannot see how depressed or aggravated a person can be on a daily basis. I will admit I have my times where I am completely mad or sad, but it is not every day. A lot of the people up here look at the things they do not have other than the things they do have. If you are sad or mad do not try to bring the rest of the world on your level. Especially if we had nothing to do with your negativity. You honestly just look less approchable, and it is not something to be proud of. "Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop."- A.N.

Michael

My brother's name is Michael(17). He is my only full brother and claims that he is very socially awkward even though he absolutely is not. If I am being real Michael probably is not the best person to talk to when you are sad because he does not give good advise. Although, I will admit that he gives the best hugs in the history of the world. Michael is very mature for his age. And is completely amusing to talk to. He is one of those people who use a lot of hand motion and changes their voices when they are telling a story. I always tell him he should be an actor or comedian. Not only is Michael good at telling stories, but he also plays the guitar well.

I would have to say Michael's guitar playing started in 2011. He probably sounded like the worst person to ever play the guitar. I thought that he would not find so much interest in it. Now he is as hooked on to it as ever, and is completely lost without his guitar. He sounds ridiculously good too. Michael has been going to a boarding school for about two years now, and has learned a lot out there. I cannot wait for this summer for him to come back, so I could all the the stuff he learned in person, not over the phone. I think Michael is one of those people who do not recognize their talent as much as other people do. I love Michael with all my heart, not only is he my brother, but he is my best friend.